We have changed a number of things in our short film as we believe this was essential to improving our film.
Firstly, we have changed our opening shot to an email being sent regarding location and time to meet. We did this to allow information to be given to the audience and also because we didn't believe we had enough footage to last 5 minutes.
Furthermore, we removed the aspect of a dog walker finding the dropped package, as this idea was weak in our opinion.
Thus meaning Mr X (motorcyclist) turns up at his destination and hands the package to his sister (played by Carla) as a present for her birthday. This is the twist in the story as we make the package part of a dodgy deal.
Ok - I think I saw the email shots today. Have a look at the first 15 mins of the new c4 series utopia - there's a chat room conversation with an interesting on screen technique making it easier to read screen messages. It might work for you too. Get more decision details blogged with screen grabs to illustrate your comments. For each if your changes you could make more clear comparisons between the old and new. I'll have another look on Thursday.
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